


Farewell, Our Paradise

by jab_a_niece



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-23
Updated: 2021-01-23
Packaged: 2021-03-14 22:55:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,049
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28928385
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jab_a_niece/pseuds/jab_a_niece
Summary: It was their last set. Shiratorizawa was losing to Karasuno. Kawanishi Taichi suddenly realised how special his teammates are to him.
Kudos: 7





	Farewell, Our Paradise

**Author's Note:**

> My love for Shiratorizawa is undying, and I wanted to try writing a character analysis of the swan boys through Taichi's perspective? And so, this is mostly based on my own personal interpretations of the individual characters along with a few headcanons that my friend from Haikyuu!! Amino and I came up with.

The whistle rang. The ground rumbled. The cheers that came from every corner of the indoor sports hall were louder than ever, booming against his eardrums and messing up with his rhythmic breathing.

Taichi wiped the beads of perspiration on his forehead, his eyes focused on the ball as it travelled towards the opposing wing-spiker. He bent his knees in preparation, waited for the right moment, and then jumped, arms outstretched and spread apart as the ball bounced off his right palm, falling right back to Karasuno's side.

For a moment there was a glint in his eyes. His heart lurched and his stomach did a flip. For a moment he thought the ball was going to touch the ground. And for a moment he believed that he had scored Shiratorizawa a point. That moment vanished as fast as it had bloomed within him as he witnessed the opposing libero dive forward and save the ball.

The ball went up again.

He shouldn't have held his hopes high, even for a split second. Everyone was fighting so hard to win, of course it would take more than just blocking to earn points. He would have to shut their attack down completely. He was pretty sure there's only one thing ringing in everyone's mind. It didn't matter which team they were in, or which team they were supporting. Everyone was thinking the same thing.

_"Don't let the ball touch the ground. Get it across. We can win this."_

But unlike everyone, Taichi was a pessimist. And the fact that he could feel the shadows of uncertainty gnawing at the corner of his mind was concerning. 

His teammates knew how much of a pessimist he can be and often scolded him about it. But they knew he was strong. If he wasn't, he wouldn't be standing on the court with them because only the toughest, mentally and physically, are chosen to be on the court to represent Shiratorizawa and shoulder their pride.

He was also told that he's introspective and intelligent; quite possibly the smartest among the starting players. He's quick enough to adapt to Karasuno's synchronised attack and could analyse the court faster than anyone else, making him a great asset to the team. He figured that was one way he could contribute to the team, to make up for his lack of physical involvement during their match.

He's also mildly aware that he could come off as apathetic and cold at times. Pessimism, apathy and cold-heartedness. No wonder the only friends he has are his volleyball teammates.

Taichi could feel his mind slowly wandering off. And he knew it was bad because he needed to concentrate on the match.

_What if we lose?_

He slapped himself with his palms, letting the stinging sensation burn his cheeks as his eyes snapped back at the ball rallying between Shiratorizawa and Karasuno's side. He jumped as high as he could and stopped yet another ball from entering Shiratorizawa's territory.

_What would happen if we lose?_

He knew the answer to his own question. He just didn't want to think about it because he knew if he did, he would just end up spiralling deeper into his own negative thoughts. Getting lost in his thoughts in the middle of a match is the last thing he wanted.

_I don't want to lose. I can't lose. Not today, not tomorrow, not ever._

His gaze shifted to the person to his right.

Ushijima Wakatoshi, the super ace and captain of Shiratorizawa.

Taichi was intimidated by him when they first played together. But as time went by, as they had more training and played more games together, he learnt more about Ushijima and got closer to him, both as a teammate and a friend.

More importantly, over the two years they had trained and spent time together, he realised that Ushijima was more than just a machine like how everyone thinks he is. He was actually just like every other teenager; he has his own interests and his own life outside of volleyball. And despite his cold demeanour, Ushijima was far from being a cold person. Yes, he might not be as expressive as others, but that he didn't mean he was incapable of being kind to the people around him. And yes, he may not be emotionally intelligent, but that didn't mean he was insensitive.

He also learnt things about Ushijima that people outside the team wouldn't know. Like how he has lots of potted plants growing in his dorm, how his favourite food is Hayashi Rice, and how he even has his own nicknames: Miracle Boy and Super Volleyball Idiot. 

Taichi's eyes then flicked to the vice-captain, the person who had came up with one of the nicknames.

Oohira Reon.

Reon had always been a respectable senior that Taichi looked up to since the very first day he stepped into the school gym. An all-rounder player who was amazing at serving, spiking and receiving, Reon was an extremely humble and patient person. He never once yelled at his teammates or brought anyone down because of their mistakes, and instead gave encouragements that could lift anyone's mood. He always seemed to know what to say.

Even outside of training or after school, Reon was always watching out for every single one of his teammates. Everytime he came back from his nightly study session at the library with Yamagata, he would knock on everyone's door to check on them. He would also give snacks that he'd bought in the school canteen even though they just had dinner together not too long ago. 

What Taichi wasn't pleased about Reon was that he would get too occupied looking after them, he often neglected his own well-being. Taichi could vividly remember that one time when Reon had a very high fever because he was overworking himself.

Taichi may have a loving older sister who takes care of him, but now that he's away from home, Reon was the older brother that Taichi never knew he wanted.

"Taichi!"

And then there was their fiery pinch server, Semi Eita.

Taichi turned to look at him. He was sitting at the bench along with the other reserves, his hands gripping the edge of the bench as he glared at the middle blocker. "Eyes on the ball!"

Taichi nodded, mumbling an inaudible "yes" before turning to the front again, eyes back to focus. He watched as Karasuno's libero received Ushijima's spiked flawlessly. His eyes then trailed after the ball as it flew towards the setter. He tossed the ball to the ace next, and Taichi jumped as high as he could and locked his arms. The ball rebounded off his palm and flew out of the court, which meant that Karasuno earned the point.

A series of screaming followed after. Taichi didn't know why, but his immediate action was to look at Semi.

He expected to see a scowl on his senior's face, but all he saw was Semi clapping his hands together as he looked at Taichi and yelled "don't mind". Semi from a year ago would've straight up walked up to him and scolded him there and there.

Back then, Semi was almost an entirely different person. Boastful, hot-headed and stubborn, Semi had all the qualities that made him so unlikeable in the eyes of many. Taichi never had a reason to like him or even respect him.

Semi would get so worked up by every little thing that didn't fit his standards and often yelled at those he wasn't pleased with. Taichi could never get along with people who let their emotions control them.

Someone clearly had to put him in his place, and the coach had rightfully done so when he replaced Semi with Shirabu the next year. Taichi had to admit, though, that Semi's skills were above average, and while he had the element of unpredictability on his side, the coach preferred someone who could toss to Ushijima.

Being on the sidelines had changed him, but it also didn't. It changed him in a way that he became better at managing his temper and was easier to talk to. But the same old Semi never left. He was still as prideful and stubborn as ever, but that didn't matter as much anymore because he was no longer the team's setter. Instead, he had worked really hard on his serves so that he could claim the spot as the team's pinch server. It was probably different from what he was used to, being a famous setter in his middle school and all. A pinch server didn't get as much attention and fame as a setter, but at least Semi was free to do whatever he wanted with his serves.

Taichi suddenly felt a hand slapping his back, snapping him out of his daze. He didn't have to look to know that it was his fellow red-haired middle blocker. 

"Giving up already, Taichi? We're gonna win this, ya' know, like we always do."

Tendou Satori. While it was hard to tell what Semi was feeling, it was even harder to tell what Tendou was thinking.

"Of course." Taichi straightened himself up. "I haven't given up on Nationals yet."

"That's the spirit!" Tendou grinned, ruffling Taichi's ginger hair before skipping over to his position. Taichi's eyes were fixed on him the entire time. 

He didn't know what to think of Tendou at first. His eccentricity made him amusing, but that also made him impossible to read. With Tendou, Taichi never seemed to know what his next action would be. Even his blocking style was unique. It was a hit-or-miss kind of style though, so Taichi always had to cover up the gaps left open by him. He eventually got used to Tendou's style after playing with him for a year, and both their styles turned out to be compatible with each other.

Being the oldest among the third-years, Tendou also looked out for the others like Reon did, albeit his way of showing his affection was a little different from most. But he always seemed to know how to cheer people up.

One thing that concerned Taichi was that the former always seemed to be in a good mood all the time, and it made him think that Tendou was hiding something behind a mask. Taichi knew of his elementary and middle school days when he was bullied by the other kids, and he always wondered if his past still bothered him, or if he was over it by now. More importantly, Taichi hoped that Tendou truly sees them as his friends.

Because Taichi definitely sees him as more than just a teammate he had to work with.

Or a senior he had to give respect to.

Tendou was a friend to him, just like everyone else in the team.

He then turned to look at their very own libero, Yamagata Hayato, who had approached Tendou and was discussing something that Taichi couldn't hear.

Yamagata was the coolest person that Taichi had ever met. Everything about him was cool - his haircut, his attitude towards various things, his fashion sense(Taichi had seen him in home clothes during their outings together), and the way he was naturally talented at all kinds of sports - and seemed to radiate this magnetic aura that attracted people around him. Taichi wasn't surprised when he found out how popular Yamagata was in the school, the way he had friends from every class in his year. 

Like Reon and Tendou, he was good at lifting other people's moods. He can be aggressively protective over his juniors though - there was this one time when he got into trouble for picking up a fight with someone who had made fun of Shirabu's weird haircut. Shirabu wasn't fazed by it at all, but Yamagata thought it was necessary to defend his not-so-little junior.

Yamagata shared a dorm with Reon, and Taichi had been to their dorm multiple times just to hang out with him. Sometimes, Yamagata and Taichi would head out of school compound during the weekends to play with the skateboard that Reon had given him as a gift for Secret Santa a year ago.

Thinking about all this made him recall the time when Tendou sneaked in a bunny into his dorm. Reon and Semi weren't pleased about it at first because they didn't want to get into trouble for breaking a school rule. Everyone knew that they weren't allowed to keep any pets in their dorms, but there weren't actually any written rules on the school handbook that forbid students having animals in their rooms, and Tendou used that very reason to justify how his actions weren't actually going against any rule.

The bunny was really cute and had soft grey fur, so everyone just decided that Semi-Semi was the perfect name for her, even though Semi was against it at first. Nonetheless, Semi-Semi brought the team together closer than they already were; everyone took turns watching after her and saved some money together to get proper bunny food.

Taichi didn't know how it happened - perhaps a student had reported them to a teacher - but they were called to the principal two weeks later, all eight of them lined up across the principal's desk. While they didn't face any disciplinary action, it was decided that Semi-Semi had to be sent away to an animal shelter. They were told their act was irresponsible because the environment in their dorms weren't suitable to keep a pet. But the school did go an extra mile to let the shelter know that the boys will be adopting Semi-Semi once again once the third-years have graduated.

The whistle blew, breaking Taichi out of his bubble. He immediately turned to the front.

It was Karasuno's ace's turn to serve. Everyone in his team knew how strong the ace's serves are, and a service ace would instantly mean Karasuno's victory. They were holding their breath as they waited for the ace to serve the ball.

When he finally did, Taichi's stomach did a flip.

It was a strong jump serve that was almost flawlessly executed, and it scared him seeing how the opponent could maintain such power till their last set. But Yamagata gave no room for mistakes in his receive and delivered the ball straight to Shirabu who, even in such circumstances, made no hesitation to toss the ball to Ushijima.

Ushijima smashed the ball with all his might, not holding anything and giving no mercy to the opposing team.

The libero, however, had managed to receive it and the ball was sent flying into the air, giving the others much time to collect themselves and prepare for their attack. Likewise, there was a shift in Shiratorizawa's formation as they prepared for defense; Taichi and Tendou dominating the front court, hands raised midair and eyes flicking from one opposing player to the other, each making their bets on the next person who would spike the ball.

This time though, Tendou's hunch was right. The ball greeted his left palm and was slammed down towards the ground.

But the captain was quick and had dived forward, saving the ball from touching the ground. Their libero lunged forward and tossed the ball to four-eyes who was facing Taichi eye to eye through the net.

Taichi maintained a neutral expression, but his heart and mind were racing.

_A straight, or a feint?_

He didn't know which one to trust. His mind was telling him there's a possibility of a feint, but his gut was telling it was going to be a straight. And unfortunately, he didn't the luxury of time to weigh the options.

He jumped as high as he could with his arms outstretched, only to realise that it was a feint.

The ball went above him, just inches away from his fingertips, and fell back. Taichi could've sworn he stopped breathing for a second as he mentally cursed at himself for making the wrong decision.

Reon dived forward just in time to save the ball, sending it up in the air again. Shirabu ran into position and set the ball to Ushijima. The ball was smashed right into an empty spot on Karasuno's side of the court.

A loud uproar from the audience shook the stadium.

Karasuno and Shiratorizawa were even again.

Taichi could feel eyes on him so he turned to see Shirabu eyeing him with an expression he knew too well.

_"It's not over yet. Focus or I'll smother you in your sleep tonight."_

Shirabu Kenjirou, the team's official setter and Taichi's closest friend, was threatening him with a simple glare. But this was as normal as their relationship can get. A huge part of why they were so close to each other is because they were the only second-years in the team who happened to be roommates. They were almost always together by the hip; they would eat together during lunch breaks and go to school events together even though they were in different classes.

Even then, they were strictly independent of each other. But neither can deny that having each other's company was better than spending long monotonous school hours alone.

They were so similar yet so different. People who didn't know them well enough saw them as quiet, smart or stand-offish. But everyone in the team knew Shirabu had a sharper tongue. They also knew that while Taichi had the tendency to have his head stuck in the clouds, Shirabu was a lot more down to earth. Painfully straightforward and uptight, Taichi could read Shirabu like a book - even Tendou agreed it was easy to predict his next actions, and that was saying something considering he was best friends with blunt and uncensored Ushijima.

And while Shirabu was certainly smart, the class he got into and the grades that he obtained were merely the product of all the intense effort he put in. Taichi, on the other hand, was effortlessly intelligent. He didn't need to put in much effort to be on the same level as Shirabu. So, unlike Shirabu, Taichi never really understood the meaning of hard work as much as Shirabu did.

Shirabu finally tore his eyes away from Taichi. He faced forward and cracked his knuckles as he readied himself the match to resume.

It was Ushijima's turn to serve.

Taichi got into his position next to Shirabu and faced forward too, his eyes narrowed in concentration as he murmured something.

"Does it look like I'm giving up, Kenji?" It was soft and barely audible, but it was loud enough to elicit a reaction from Shirabu.

"You knew four-eyes was going to do a feint. You could've stopped it." The setter gave him a disapproving look.

"I had my doubts, you know? It was fifty-fifty, and I made the wrong guess." Taichi glanced at Tendou from the corner of his eyes, but the redhead didn't seem to have heard him.

The whistle was blown and the game resumed.

Ushijima served using the remainder of his stamina to hit a particularly strong serve. The ball travelled at full speed and even though Karasuno's libero had managed to receive it, the ball rebounded off his arms so hard that it flew straight off the court.

The whole stadium was filled with screams, the audience supporting Shiratorizawa thrilled by the service ace.

Taichi didn't want to start feeling complacent, but he couldn't help the wave of relief that washed over him. They're ahead of Karasuno now, but that didn't mean anything unless they scored another point again. Normally, Taichi wouldn't have to worry much about it whenever Ushijima was the one serving. But Karasuno's libero was staring at the ball in Ushijima's hands with such intensity that Taichi could feel chills running down his spine.

And Taichi knew that Shirabu felt the same.

"We haven't lost in decades. We won't lose today. Or next year. Not as long as we're on this team, it won't happen." Shirabu spoke.

Taichi remained silent for a moment before he replied. "You're just saying that to calm your nerves."

"It seemed like you needed that reminder as well."

The whistle was blown again.

Taichi's eyes never left the libero. He watched as the libero licked his lips in concentration and eyed the ball as if it was made up of gold, though Taichi would have to agree that there was nothing worth more than that golden ball.

His heart was pounding as he heard the sound of palm smacking against ball.

Ushijima once again had put everything he had left into the serve, but victory didn't come easy for any of them.

The libero received the ball and it shot up to the ceiling, giving the others enough time to get into their formation. As Karasuno prepared to attack, Shiratorizawa scrambled to defend their territory.

Taichi spotted Karasuno's ace coming forward, but so was everyone else. He instantly recognised it as the synchronised attack and knew he had to rely on his intuition. He scanned the other side of the court, eyes scheming through every single player, before he finally made his decision.

As he had thought, the setter tossed the ball to Karasuno's number five. Taichi jumped as high as he could and blocked the ball, the feeling of the ball hitting his palm sending a sudden wave of adrenaline down his body.

Shiratorizawa could've scored a point right there and then. Everyone could see that. But they had been unfortunate enough that Karasuno's number ten was standing at that spot and miraculously received the ball with his chest, causing the ball to bounce back over the net and drop to the ground before Yamagata could save it.

Once again, the crowd burst into a loud mix of relief and disappointment. The Shiratorizawa boys gathered together around Taichi to encourage him because they could see that he was starting to get out of his zone.

"Looks like you're ready to be the next Guess Monster." Tendou slung an arm around him.

"You don't have to lie to cheer me up..." 

"I'm just saying what I've been wanting to say since the start of the game. You're always so gloomy, Taichi. I bet you don't even realise how hard it is to stop that attack."

"Tendou, we lost the point. It doesn't matter." 

"Yes, it does!" Tendou exclaimed, moving away to look at him in the eyes. "Cus' the next time they do that attack again, I'm counting on you to stop it."

"You're giving me such a big responsibility."

Tendou grinned. "That's because we know you can do it, Taichi."

Taichi hadn't noticed it, but everyone was smiling at him. They were smiles that meant "we're proud to have you in our team".

"I'm not good at cheering people up, but I really think you were super cool out there, Kawanishi! I could see stars all around you!" A certain teammate with a bowl-cut hair style chimed in.

Ah, Goshiki Tsutomu. The only first-year in the team and the one that all the third-years pampered too much, how could Taichi ever forget him.

Goshiki had the talent. But his pride was overflowing. Every time he did something that he was proud of, he would look around to see if the others had seen too. Frankly, Taichi thought this trait of his was annoying at first. He didn't realise when the change started, but he eventually began to think that Goshiki's sense of pride was one of his charms that the ones who knew him couldn't hate him for.

Except for Shirabu, of course, who was harsh as always towards him.

Goshiki was also one of the most hardworking person that Taichi had ever met, apart from Shirabu. And in this case, it was his goal to become the best ace Shiratorizawa had ever witnessed. He constantly declared this desire out loud to the whole team so that everyone would be reminded that he's not one to be underestimated. Most wouldn't take him seriously, but the team did because they knew that becoming a starter during their first year was no easy feat, especially when they had to compete with older students who had more experience and skills.

He'd sometimes hear students outside the club making fun of Goshiki, saying things like how he was a loud cry baby who had too much confidence in himself. And while it's true that Goshiki indeed cried a lot and was overly sensitive, there was a lot more to him. He was headstrong and tough; once he set his mind on something, he'll never lose sight of it. He had cried countless times from the mistakes he had made, but the fact that he was still standing on the court was proof that he was a strong and worthy opponent that shouldn't be looked down on.

Taichi found it a little pitiful, though, that Goshiki needed validation from others to recognise that he was good enough. He needed his seniors to praise him to know that he did well, but what will happen once the third-years, whom he had grown attached to, graduated and will no longer be here to support him? And what will happen after Shirabu and Taichi retire from the team, leaving him behind?

Taichi smiled. "Thanks, Goshiki."

He took a good look at every single one of his teammates, and they were taking a good look at him too.

No, they were more than just teammates. They were friends who shared the same love and passion for volleyball, and stuck with each other through the highs and lows of everything they'd been through to get where they are now.

He could never ask for anything more.

Or maybe he could.

He could ask the universe just this once to let them win this match. Not for the pride and glory, but to be able to play with his seniors for just a little longer. 

Because if they lost, this would be the last time they get to play together like this.

"Thanks, everyone. I'll play my best." He did a little bow and everyone ruffled his hair, except for Goshiki and Shirabu.

"You will." Shirabu replied, and everyone laughed as they dispersed back into their positions.

The match resumed. The pressure to win was bearing down on every single one of them like the weight of a thousand clouds, and everyone was doing their best to keep the ball in the air.

Once again, the smell of sweat and the squeaking sound of rubber soles against the wooden floor and the sound of palms and fists hitting the ball invaded his senses. But the sound of his heart beating against his chest and the sound of his own breathing were louder.

All was well, Taichi thought. All was well, until Karasuno scored a point and took the lead. It got even worse when Karasuno decided to use the synchronised attack at that timing. 

Taichi probably would never admit it to anyone, but his mind was scrambling to think of where the ball would go to, who the setter would decide to toss to this time. His eyes frantically scanned through every single player on the other side of the court, looking for signs that would give him the answer.

Until the answer did arrive and Taichi immediately ran to the centre of the court.

He should've known. It was obvious. He didn't have to think too hard. If Karasuno was planning to have their finishing move, it had to be done by the quick freak duo.

Taichi jumped as high as he could, his long arms going over the net to stop the ball. But he was a second too late. His hands hadn't even managed to reach the top and the ball went over them, grazing his fingertips.

He didn't know what happened, but the next thing he saw was Yamagata lying face down on the ground and the ball maneuvering itself out of Shiratorizawa's side of the court.

_I don't want to lose. I can't lose. Not today, not tomorrow, not ever._

_Because..._

_I want to play more. I want to play with my friends a little longer._

Taichi wanted to move. He wanted to go after the ball, to dive for it and to send it back in the air. It didn't matter he would pass to as long as the ball didn't touch the ground.

But his legs couldn't move. He was frozen on his spot. And all he could do was watch helplessly as Reon dived to save the ball.

Taichi was a pessimist who never believed in miracles. He always thought of the worst that can happen. But at that moment, he was hoping for a miracle. Perhaps Reon, despite how far away he was from the ball, would be able to get the ball in time. It was a miracle he didn't think he deserved, but was shamelessly asking for.

The universe didn't seem to listen to him though, not this time, and the ball fell to the ground.

The sound of ball hitting wood had never been more deafening, and there was a long silence that followed after, before the whistle was blown for the last time that day.

It all happened too fast for anyone to comprehend. But when it dawned upon them that Karasuno had emerged victorious, there were lots of screaming. Screaming and crying and hugging.

For Taichi, his cries were silent. It was a pain he shared with his teammates, but at that moment he felt alone.

Alone until Ushijima came to him and hugged him. And then Reon joined in. Then Semi. Then Tendou and Yamagata. Then Shirabu and then followed by Goshiki, who was last to join in the circle that they had formed by interlinking their arms together.

They cried together for a minute, all heads facing down as they let their silent tears fall to the ground.

No one talked. No one tried to comfort each other with words. No one blamed anyone for their loss. But in that moment, Taichi could feel that everyone was saying the same thing deep in their hearts.

This is it, the ungraceful fall of the mighty eagle.

_"Farewell, our paradise."_

**Author's Note:**

> Not my proudest work, but I did my best. I had the most difficulty writing Shirabu and Yamagata's part. I enjoyed writing Shirabu's interaction with Taichi though, so I think I might explore their dynamic in the future!


End file.
